J for green
April 30th, 2008 § 1 Comment
Jealousy is funny word. We use it to describe possessiveness. We use to explain envious feelings. We get scared when our loved one start expressing it lot. We get scared when we feel it ourselves.
Its supposed to be one emotion yet it generates so many feelings around. It generates anger, helplessness, love, hate, and even nervousness.
As humans we like to be owners. Even when it comes to relationships – even non-existents. We always want to feel secure. No matter how people try to prove that to us, A simple gesture or sentence can brings out worst kind of insecurities. And we know it leaves us vulnerable. Yet, we cannot control it or maybe we just don’t try hard enough.
So, is it really ever okay to feel this way?
So, is it okay that I do feel happy for certain people but cannot really rejoice in it? Is it fine that I want to look like that? Is it okay to wish for my own Happy Ending than rejoicing in others? Is it fine that I hate the fact my life’s not taking directions that I want it to, but others is? Can I really wish for other’s share of luck?
Or Am I just being plain selfish?
This Week..
April 26th, 2008 § Leave a Comment
Things that make me happy – Meeting Old Friends, Wedding celebrations, Look of happiness of couple’s face, Flowers, Scrubs, Before Sunrise
Things that make me sad – its same as last week. I’m still worrying over same stuff 
Things that annoy me – Banks, Closed minds in people, crappy movies, Some people who open their mouth when they dun need to
What was this about?
April 24th, 2008 § 1 Comment
I was always “one of the guys”.
Was it a side-effect of studying with 20 guys and just me? Or was it the way my father raised me to be – Being a girl is no excuse for lagging behind in anything? Or was the way my mother never differentiated between me and my brother for anything?
I was good in bullying people. I hated soft-toys. I wore sneaker for years. Make-up was for frivolous people. My then boy-friend was always happy that he could talk to me about guy-stuff (btw..is there any line now?) and that I never whine like girls. I hated flowers. I hated pink. White and black were my colors. Red was strict No. I was more happy after a round of AOE on computer than with shopping. I couldn’t even walk in heels at one point of time (yup.. I know that’s Hard to believe). I had one pair of Indian ethnic to be worn in every function. Skirts were for school kids. My friends were in shock for a whole evening when i turned up in a saree once.
And then I changed. I don’t know how? I can’t even recall when.
I think it started with my then love-of-life (please note this one wasn’t happy with my guy-stuff talk). Was it the clothes he bought me or made me buy? Was it the subtle hints that I should wear more color? Was it that un-ending supply of jewelry that looked so feminine? Or flowers for every occasion? or Soft toys to remind me of him when he wasn’t around?
Well.. Whatever it was.. Love was lost but I was transformed. Funny, isn’t it? Poor guy worked for years trying to make a lady out of rebel me. And when finally Rebel Spell was broken, He wasn’t around to see it.
And Here I’m today. Always dressing right. Never forgetting jewelry to match or Shoes. Infact, have a fetish of shoe-shopping. Indulging in Girl Gossips. (I finally have girl friends to talk to). Shopping relaxes me nowadays. I still don’t like soft-toys but I have too huge a collection of those to do anything about it. I’m still not very fond of getting flowers, but I think someone is again changing that. I seem to like receiving them. (or is it my mean streak which rejoices when my colleagues look at me enviously?). And I cry. Something which was limited to locked bathroom, happens in not-so-private areas now. And I tell certain people about it. (Now this is more strange for me than ever)
Anyways so what was the whole point of writing it? I’m sure there was something I wanted to share before I started whole me then versus now thing. Yes, everything is about me after all.
But its funny how, in span of 10 years, you change. You grow from a rebel child to not-so-rebel grown-up. How things that used to matter, don’t matter now? How things which weren’t important then are important now?
It’s funny.
It’s funny the way you lose people in between. then you find some. then some find you and some lose you.
Well.. this has been a long post.. Let me ponder over it some more and frame a better post.
This week..
April 19th, 2008 § Leave a Comment
Things that make me happy – Unflinching support of few friends, Patience of few people, sms from certain people (yes, you are being acknowledged publicly), day dreaming
Things that make me sad – having to give up on certain dream, having to let go of what I wanted, Being grown-up and mature about things, wishful thinking
Things that annoy me – Bad Drivers, Bureaucracy, Banks, Being social when all I want is to be left alone, Incompetent people
If you want a Happy Ending..
April 17th, 2008 § Leave a Comment
Go to Next Door Pastry Shop and Dig in to that creamy cheesecake.
Its a Happy Ending to both of you.. For Cake, as it served its life purpose and for you coz you just went to heaven..
Should I just change my blog’s name?
April 15th, 2008 § 1 Comment
Has it ever happened to you that you want to write about so many things, but you just can’t?
You are sitting with phone in hand never dialing the number.
You have a book in your lap that you haven’t even opened.
You are staring at tv without turning it on.
And you are writing a random post like this without any meaning. 
I seem to have so many random thoughts these days that maybe I should change my blog’s name to Random Thoughts..
I know there are things I should write about. Yes, Your Highness do acknowledge the fact that there’s a world beyond her.
There are things I want to write about. Yes, they would invariably be about me and my life and my friends.
Then there are things I want to say. Strange, I seem to talk all the time, yet there are more things to say.
Unfortunately, this is all you get. Few Random Lines.
Nice One…
April 15th, 2008 § 1 Comment
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity”. Gilda Radner, 1946-1989
Just Wondering…
April 14th, 2008 § Leave a Comment
Why do we have to be grown-up all the time?
Why can’t I just go for what I want and not think of practicalities?
Why can’t I throw a tantrum and get what I want?
Why do I have think all the time?
I wish I could just ignore everyone and everything around me and do what I reallly wanted to…
Which is… Jump into ice-cream pool
What is Love?
April 11th, 2008 § Leave a Comment
Just wondering…
Is it love when you marry someone only to disregard their wishes and life?
Is it love when you plan a whole life together only to change your mind right before that important step?
Is it love when you say you can’t live without someone only to be in bed with someone else next weekend?
Is it love when you ask the other to change whole of his/her life so they can fit into your idea?
Is it love that turns away its face with other’s face/age?
Is it love that makes you want to stay friends forever but just not with them?
Is it love that dies if its against society/parents/caste/religion’s wishes?
Is it love that makes you seek out company of others the moment you are alone?
So many people are sad. So many people are lonely. So many people are lonely even when with somebody. So many people are feeling hurt.
And yet, people wonder why am I so cynical about Love?
Love is, I think, without definition.
Love is, I think, Respecting who you are, what you are, whatever you do, however you do it.
Things change and people change. Things that we want change and people we want change as well. Some deal with it, some cannot. Some learn with age. I think I learned. I hope I retain.
This week…
April 11th, 2008 § Leave a Comment
We change.. A bit every day, a bit more every year.. And a lot over the years.. We change…
Have you realized even the things we like or reasons that makes us happy/sad/irritated, they all change…
So I figured why not keep a log.. maybe read this post a year later and see how much I’ve changed.. for good or for worse..
Things that make me happy – Flowers (at least for today ). Sweet Surprises. Mails from old Friends. Phone calls made just to hear your voice or say hello after a long time or a friend who just thought of you. Mom rubbing your head when it hurts.
Things that make me sad – Pain that my friends are going through. Nice guys finishing last. Humanity, so Indifferent towards everything. Poverty being treated as nothing but a book/photographic subject.
Things that annoy me – Stupid Questions. Redundant Arguments. Mails for heck of mailing. Ignorant people trying to prove their knowledge. Bad Drivers. Fakes. Disregard of ethics/rules. Indecisive people.
