Little bit of everything
January 30th, 2012 § 2 Comments
Nostalgia.
A feeling I have in abundance these days.
Contempt.
What I feel towards you now.
Love.
Something that always lifts me up.
Indifference.
To the plight of the poor.
Adoration.
The look he gives when I arrive.
Disgust.
Towards the everyday news.
Disasterous Me
January 29th, 2012 § 2 Comments
One of those days where I have a lot to say, a lot to talk about, but just cannot get myself to write anything. If it was a paper journal, my waste paper basket would be full.
I’m being a hypocrite. And I continue to be one. My moral compass says I’m being bad. And I continue on that path. Why? I need people to tell me I’m wrong or tell me I’m right.
I want to sit and talk about life over a cuppa coffee. I want to bitch about my flatmate. I want to giggle at stupid things like innuendos. I want midnight coffee runs. I want midnight ice-cream sessions. All in all, I want my friends here.
I never thought it would be this hard being in a new city, but it is. Turns out it’s easier to date than to make friends. And it’s not like my social calendar is empty. I get out plenty. But it’s all so superficial. Each time I get a call from an old friend, I’m reminded of what I’ve left behind. Each conversation leaves me staring at the phone with tears in my eyes.
Some days all I want to do is have someone hold me and tell me everything’s alright. So I hold myself and do so.
Morning After
January 28th, 2012 § 2 Comments
They sat across each other. Awkward silence. She was twisting her ring nervously. He didn’t know what to say to her. She didn’t either.
“Coffee”, she asked. “Oh yes, Thank you”, he replied.
Both wondering where the laughter from last night has gone. The passion, the urgency.
He looks at her and wonders “Was she really that funny last night?”
She’s thinking on similar lines “I could’ve sworn he looked younger.”
“So, any plans?”
“Yes, brunch with girls.” Relieved to be getting away.
“Nice. Have fun.”, Equally relieved.
They try to hug. More awkwardness. A passionless kiss.
“I’ll see you at mothers then.”
“OK. Don’t forget to pick up the wine.”
I can like Guns and He can like Pink
January 23rd, 2012 § 2 Comments
It’s common knowledge that I hate stereotypes. And to add credibility to my hate, there are studies which show how often we base our decisions on them (mostly wrong). One of the things I have noticed recently is the Gender Stereotyping. Of course, I have been reading about it and have outraged on certain occasions. My reputation for most annoying idealist feminist is not without a reason.
Did you know that each time you tell your child that pink is for girls and boys don’t cry, you create those stereotypes. Not just create them, when you teach your child that liking pink is not right for a boy, You create guilt feelings for life that are associated with a freaking color. Why? Don’t you think there are enough things in life for a child to worry about rather than the thought that somehow liking a color or a toy is wrong.
And to think, the feelings are so ingrained that I once made fun of a teammate for wearing pink shirt. As an adult, shouldn’t I know that it’s just a color and anyone is free to like it? When did girls patent pink and boy patent guns? We don’t even think twice by reinforcing such stereotypes.
We talk about gender equality. But how can we have it if we are still using century old stereotypes. I have always been good at maths. But that’s supposed to be an exception. Why? I think it’s result of education. It was my father’s love of maths that led him to teach me, in turn my being good at it. Yes, some differences are inherent in our biology. But if a boy wants to cry, that’s part of his biology too. When will we learn to treat our kids in the same way? Girls can like Guns and Boys can like Pink without being labeled as abnormal. Let’s take it from there and hope real equality follows.
100 words
December 20th, 2011 § 2 Comments
Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite authors. And did you know that he writes such beautiful poems as well? When I read this one, I knew I wanted to look at it every day. So I ordered this as a little birthday present to myself from Neverwear
and it’s a signed print
(Can’t wait for it to arrive)
Have a read yourself –
100 Words by Neil Gaiman
A hundred words to talk of death?
At once too much and not enough.
My plans beyond that final breath
are currently a little rough.
The dying thing comes on so slow:
reluctance to get out of bed
is magnified each day and so
transmuted into dead.
I dream of dying all alone,
nobody there to watch me pass
nothing remains for me to own,
no breath remains to fog the glass.
And when I do put down my pen
my memories will fly like birds.
When I am done, when I am dead,
and finished with my hundred words.
Older, but not Wiser
December 19th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
Another year gone by. And what a year it was. From Heartbreaks to life changes, it had everything in it. I live such a soap-opera life.
Here’s a recap:
- I moved to a new continent.
- I’m back in school.
- Boy broke my heart. yet again. And in million pieces. You would think by now I will be wiser to it.
- Personal crisis in family. We are still coming to terms with it.
- Knee problem is finally diagnosed. And while I go through the pain each week, It does mean less ankle/leg mishaps in long run.
- I now have an enviable collection of OPI nail paints. (One girlie point has to be there)
- I also belong to apple slave category now. Phone, Laptop, iPod – yup they got me. One shiny gadget at a time.
And to top it all, few hours before my birthday I met Neil Gaiman. He not only signed my books and let me have a pic with him, he also liked my T-shirt and wrote Happy Birthday on one book. How awesome is that?
I’m still in fangirl heaven and it’s been 2 days
)
There were disappointments, of course. But I think at the start of new year, I’ll just ignore them or forget them if I can.
Here’s to me. Hopefully, one day I’ll be wiser.
Just another Day
December 1st, 2011 § 5 Comments
All in a Day-
Queensland passed legislation for civil Unions. A great day for Equal Rights.
Afganistan punishing women for trying to avoid Domestic Violence. A defeat for Humanity.
India discarding safety and still going ahead with Nuclear plans. Another nail in the coffin of environment and people.
And me, wondering when will this all end?
And then a fleeting memory of me arguing passionately about some issue like this and you teasing me with same passion about being wrong.
Some days are just too long.
So who are you today?
November 28th, 2011 § 4 Comments
Sometimes I forget which stereotype I’m playing. There are so many.
At work, I’m the Indian Girl. With some Indian people, I’m the North-Indian Girl. With North-Indians, I’m the Delhi Girl.
At Uni, I’m the IT girl. At IT dept, I’m the Psych Girl.
With some acquaintances, I’m the Snob. With some friends, I’m the out-of-control girl.
Fun fact is I’m probably all of those and yet none of those.
You cannot define me by a stereotype that got passed down by some ignorant schmuck. You will have to make an effort and get to know me before trying to fit me in a box.
It’s possible I might use some similar stereotype. Remind me of my mistake. Fascinate me. Make me get to know you. Be it a boy or girl.
Make people get to know you. Get to know people. Most of us are fun. (And if somehow you are in the bracket that I ignore, either I am unaware of it or you are just not fun)
People, Blogs, Sex, Complaints
November 24th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
This is 5th blog post that I started in past few weeks and haven’t been able to finish.
I was going to write about heart-breaks, sex, dating and blah blah. Each time I began, I had something to say. However, halfway through, I would remember that my brother, my ex, my ex-colleagues know about this blog and might just read it. This, of course, meant that I leave the post unfinished or delete it.
Anonymity that internet offered has been destroyed thanks to my own foolishness of sharing this blog’s link on FB.
Note to Self: If you ever plan to write about sex and dating, start a new blog and do not share the link.
Then whole thing about being a failure. It seems that being lonely or homesick depicts your failure in the chosen path. Which of course is nothing but load of bull-shit. I’m overall a happy person (At least I like to think so), but every now and then I do miss home and feel sad. That doesn’t mean I’m not content with the direction my life is taking. I am. I’m allowed to be Happy and Sad at the same time. I’m allowed to be far from home, love my life and yet miss home. I don’t know if I did the right thing. I will probably not know it for another 10 years. Whatever it is, it makes me Happy.
First time in years, I get excited about work. I don’t dread Mondays anymore. I love going to Uni and listening to Profs. So For now, I’m good. Thank you very much.
Festival Blues
October 24th, 2011 § 4 Comments
I love festivals. Not because of any religious inclinations or significance, But because of the cheeriness they bring along. Most festivals in India demand family presence. So if you stay away from home, it is a good excuse to spend time with the family. Of course, shopping for the new clothes, gifts, decorated homes and markets – all of these things just add to the fun. In last 30 years, I’ve spent only 1 Diwali away from home and what a depressing time that was. Now it is time to do it again.
To everyone unfamiliar with Diwali, I explain it as North-Indian Christmas. Family Dinners, Lights everywhere, gifts exchanging. It’s almost the same
Why North-Indian, not just Indian? Well, because most south-Indians I know do not celebrate it. They think it is all about crackers and fireworks. No, it’s not. It’s been more than 10 years since anyone in my family has burst crackers. But that doesn’t mean we don’t celebrate it. Or that we are doing something wrong. Crackers are add-ons. Use them or not – your wish. Same goes for Card-playing. In lot of families, it is a custom. Not in mine.
But I digress. So to make sure I do not fall into Festival-without-family depression, I decided to invite friends over for dinner. Yup, Yours truly is cooking for 10+ people. Of course, That itself is a major stress inducer.
However, Never mind that family is far-off. Never mind that no new clothes for festivities. Never mind that this year there will not be any gift. Never mind that food won’t be as awesome as home. Never mind that there won’t be any sweets. I’ll celebrate it in my own style. I’ll create a new Diwali custom while retaining the essence of it.
So Happy Diwali everyone.