All I have is a Dream.. » I feel

How are you today?

Another Dreamer — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 13:18:50 +0000

Very fine. Thank you.

That’s how I feel most of the time these days. I’m pretty close to Nirvana.. And that’s what scares me. Funny, right?
When I think about my life these days, I really can’t complain about anything.
I’ve an amazing Family that supports me through all my whims and craziness.
I’ve some of the best people in this world as my friends.
My work’s not great but it ain’t bad either. Which is more than most people can say.
I’m almost done with ‘things to do before 30′ list. Now I’m preparing one for 40s, so I can start on it.

I think the reason I feel content is that somehow somewhere (very recently) I realized that I was focusing more on petty things around me than on my priorities. And when I started thinking about my priorities, everything became ok. That’s all it took. Focus on important things and people in life.
So what Bitch at work made another nasty comment. Maybe poor thing is unhappy at home.
So what Someone else is earning more than me. Maybe he needs it more than I do.
So what she’s got a bigger house. Maybe her family needs more space.

I spent a day thinking and realized I’m not ambitious enough. I really don’t want to become a CEO.
I really don’t care about bank balance as long as I can buy things I want. And clearly I can.
All I want to do in life is to travel, read and meet interesting people. which I’m already doing. Yes, I wouldn’t mind longer vacations but then again, who wouldn’t.

So, Moral of the story is ‘Get your priorities right and focus on them. Nothing else matters’

PS: Maybe one day I’ll become a self-help guru and teach world my profound thoughts

Stories

Another Dreamer — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:31:58 +0000

Everyone have a story to tell.
Everyone wants to share their story. whether you like it or not. whether you think it is worth listening to it or not.
Each story is important. to someone. to anyone.
Some stories are privileged to get out. Some are lucky enough to get followers.
But what about the ones which stay in heart?
the ones who never get out or told or shared?
the ones which wait for a listener and just continue to wait?
Who’ll go and listen to them? Do you have time?

Yes, You do..

Another Dreamer — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:06:13 +0000

Sometimes you do need the words..
Sometimes you do need the silence..
Sometimes you do need goodbyes..
Sometimes you do need beginnings..
Sometimes you do need to hide the anger..
Sometimes you do need to show the love..
And sometimes you just suck it up and let it be.

So even though I didn’t say goodbye to you.. or showed that I care.. Here’s to you and wishing that new beginnings bring more peace and happiness to you..

I give up..

Another Dreamer — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:12:55 +0000

I thought I could do it..
I thought it won’t hurt me..
I thought I was better than that..
But turns out I’m not.

Today I was scared..
Today I looked for you..
Today I needed you..
But you were missing.

You are busy consoling someone else
while I dealt with everything alone
Yes, You thought I was stronger
Yes, I thought that too
But both of us were wrong.

So now I sit here
staring at the door
wishing for it to open
wishing for you to walk in
But you didn’t

You changed your priority
It’s not me anymore
So I’m changing mine
It won’t be you anymore

I give up.
I give up on you.
I give up on us.

Just Another Day, and another heart

Another Dreamer — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 09:23:50 +0000

It was just another day in busy market. She looked at the world outside, her nose pressed at the window.
“When would I get to go out and play with other kids?”, she asked to the one they called Grandma.
“You ask me this question every day. You have to wait for your little girl, the one who’ll want you and take you home with her”, replied Grandma.
“We are not fancy enough. No kid wants to play with us anymore. They all want those glittering new models.”, a voice came from behind.
Tears swelled in her eyes. “Is it true, Grandma?”
“No, darling. Every doll gets her home. You just have to be patience” Grandma consoled her, But grandma knew it won’t happen. There were so many around with same dream. Dream of family and love.

“Mommy, I want that doll.” One sentence diverted everyone’s attention to the little girl who was reaching towards something.
“Please god, let it be me.” she prayed, eyes closed. She felt being moved. Her eyes opened up to find herself in little girl’s arms.
“You are so pretty. You can come to my home. I’ll ask Mommy to take you with us”, girl was cooing to her. She had found her home. She looked around with proud smile. Grandma was smiling and so were other dolls.
“No. We are not buying this rag-doll. come on, I’ll get you other one.”, Girl’s mother voice boomed.
“Noooo. I want this one.”, Girl refused to let her go. She was terrified. Is happiness so short-lived? Girl turned to her and said “Don’t worry. I’ll take you home. No other doll will do.”
“Come on, Let’s go. We’ll discuss it at home. Why don’t you think about it some more?”, Mother started walking out.
Little girl looked at her with tearful eyes and whispered, “I love you. I’ll take you home tomorrow. wait for me”
And they were gone. She was still here, still alone.
“She said she’ll come. She loves me.” she consoled herself.
Next morning came, and so did little girl. “Mommy says we need to see if our doll house matches you. I’m sure it does. My mommy always get me what I want”
She was scared.
“Take me home with you now.”, she wanted to scream. “Don’t leave me. I don’t want doll house. Your mother doesn’t like me”. But little girl couldn’t hear her. Little girl was happy that her mother has listened to her. Little girl didn’t realize it was adult way of getting things done without any argument.
Mother picked her up and moved over to doll house shelf.
Little girl exclaimed, “Mommy, she looks perfect”
“Sweetie, Look how uncomfortable she looks. She won’t be happy in our home. Look she doesn’t fit in.”
“But Mommy”
“Darlin’ You promised to listen”
“Yes, Mommy”
Little girl with a longing look walked out, whispering “Atleast Mommy had a look. She gave it a fair chance”
She cried and screamed. But little girl couldn’t hear her. Little girl couldn’t see the tears or hear the words screaming “I Love You”. Little girl just walked out.
And little girl never learned the truth or the lesson “When people say No, they stick to it. They are just good in covering up with rose-tinted glasses.”

Sometimes it’s just hard to..

Another Dreamer — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 05:04:55 +0000

..convert things in your head to words on paper..
It’s been a stressful week.. And I think it’s going to stay like this for a while..
Good thing about this is I’m sleeping late and getting up early.. which means I’m getting loads done..
My appetite is gone.. So now I don’t have to diet. And I think I should be back to my thinner side within a week.

I’m bit disappointed in people. But then again I always expect people to behave morally.
I’m more mad at myself. I believed in words and someone against my better judgment.
I’m ready for a break. I think I need to get away for a while.

So if you don’t see me on facebook, twitter or here for a while.. don’t worry.. I’m just taking a little sabbatical.

I’m scared

Another Dreamer — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:26:01 +0000

of disappointments I’ll cause,
of disappointments I’ll see,
of the pain I’ll cause,
of the pain I’ll feel.

I’m scared that you’ll find out the truth
that you’ll figure me out
I’m not so perfect, even though I claim to be
I’m not so nice, there’s lot of evil in me

I’m scared,
of the intensity you have
of the certainty you feel
of the love you crave

Overall I’m just scared that I’ll not be person you’ve been dreaming to meet
you’ll be disappointed to see that I’m just another girl on the street

I just won..

Another Dreamer — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:54:12 +0000

the award for being most selfish person on earth.

When did I turn into this person? And how can I be so oblivious to someone else’s feelings? Why did I let things get this far?
So today is the day I spend wallowing in Guilt Trips.. Meanie Meanie Me…

Sorry, You are slightly fat to be loved by my standards…

Another Dreamer — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 12:32:40 +0000

Recently I met this girl, extremely fun, intelligent n pretty as well. In fact, not even for once I wondered about her weight or looks. She mentioned she was just getting over this long-term relationship which recently ended. I didn’t bother to ask why they broke up and all. Well, I really don’t care about that and I had just met her, right. So, we hung around, had fun, said goodbyes, only to keep in touch via numerous social networking sites. So I saw her blog link and knowing her as little as I did, I was sure it would be a good read. In one of her posts, she mentioned the reason for break up.
And guess the reason, Guy wanted her to lose weight so she would become perfect.
Excuse me, wasn’t love supposed to make you perfect? Or was it that love overcomes all imperfection?
This girl doesn’t even qualify as fat. At max, she can enter the slightly plump round. And considering, it’s India, I would say thats the average figure, curvy & voluptuous.
Most importantly, since when weight is a criteria for marriage?
A funny, smart, beautiful girl needs to lose weight, so she can get married to the guy she’s in love with. Guy who professes his love every day. But he just thinks she can be perfect only after shedding those extra Kilos.
She took the right way and showed him the highway. (nice rhyme )
But not without the hurt and pain which comes after broken heart.

It hurts to see physical attribute coming in way of love. I thought Love was supposed to be above that. Atleast that’s what all quotes seem to say.
But if I just consider the romance on tv and novels, it’s always between good looking people. So yeah, maybe love is directly tied to your looks and weight.

You know you are gone when..

Another Dreamer — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 09:40:56 +0000

..you end up sharing your deep dark desires with someone you barely know..
..you envision your wedding and discuss unrealistic plans..
..you end detailing your dream wedding dress..
..you ignore every other conversation around you to focus on this one..
..you write silly blog posts like this..

So here’s another silly bit.. Few weeks back I met these 2 really old individuals who took an instant liking to me. And they were just adorable. I had some of the best conversations with them. They said in hindi “Bilkul apni si lagti hai.. jaise bahut saalon se jante hai tujhe” meaning “it feels like you are ours.. like we have known you for a lot of years”
You think that happens with people your age too… ??

PS: I can just imagine someone reading and chuckling over it with a comment “you still can’t be stressing about it” So, No, I’m not stressing over it anymore.. Just trying to figure it out..