Regrets or not?
September 6th, 2010 § 2 Comments
I recently read a post about someone wondering about why people say no regrets when they are bound to be some in each life. Got me thinking. What do we really mean by ‘No regrets’? As humans, we make choices every day, some right and some wrong. So why ‘No regrets’?
Here’s my interpretation -
Regret means (via dictionary)A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone. Or A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.
But as it is with lots of words and phrases, we all have devised our own understanding. My personal understanding includes the part about ‘distress something that one wishes could be different’. For me, if anyone gives me a choice of not repeating the mistakes I made, I would (in all probability) repeat them. Why, you say? Why not? Each time you do something, you do it with a reason. It’s later when you define it as a mistake or not. And each such choice help you shape your life the way it is today. Yes, I like the illusion of perfect life. It would be nice to have. But would I really be happy there? And who’s to say the other choice would have been better one.
To answer, whether your life is with Regrets or not, Look at your current life. Are you happy? Do you feel overall satisfied? (Ok, we are not counting the raise you can use or the bigger car/house you can buy) Would you swap places with someone else?
If your answers to first questions is No or to last one is ‘yes’. Yes, you have regrets in your life. Saying otherwise won’t change anything.
But if you answer otherwise. Then, Welcome to the Club of ‘No Regrets’
Of course, you might disagree. But overall, if you look around, People with regrets are the ones disappointed with their current lives. They just don’t want to be somewhere else, they want most of their lives changed. And frankly, I don’t think they would be happy with new life as well. As I keep repeating ‘No one can make you happy, but yourself.’
The ones who like their current life are the ones saying ‘no regrets’. Of course, there are always things that you want or wish for. But would I really give up my current life, I don’t think so. Do I want to change myself as a person? Except for few tweaks** here and there, No. I’m happy being who I am. And each mistake I committed contributed in my being the person you see today. Where would I be, had I not learned from those lessons?
So, happily and with pride, I say my life is without Regrets.
**Biggest tweak I want in myself is to be more tolerant of people around -dumb/selfish/mean/just about everyone (yes, it includes the bitch as well).
Glorified Past
August 11th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
Today I received an interesting mail. A friend is planning to write a book on our school days. (Yes, I hear you. I kept talking about writing and haven’t even got past 1st chapter. I should learn something. But I digress.) So while thinking about school memories, I realized, we have glorified most of it. It was a normal childhood (ok, adolescent years), but whenever we reminisce, you would think we were the only ones having fun or with good friends. I’m sure we had our share of issues but somehow it’s all faded away. However, the hurt on the other hand seems so much better now.
While I believed my first heart break would kill me,
I’m still sitting here, typing away,
breaking few hearts on the way.
There are things I have forgotten, misdeeds I did.
There are people I can’t remember.
I’m sure it’s because they didn’t matter.
And there are friends with whom I still watch blockbuster movies.
There are friends who used to be best friends.
Now we talk only on birthdays.
There are friends who I thought would lose contact.
And even now we speak with each other every week.
Strange world we live in.
Strange memories we have.
I wonder after 10 more years, how much truth will remain in them.
The Coward Me
August 4th, 2010 § 7 Comments
I portray a nice image out there. I’m the strong confident woman who’s much at peace with her life.
Is it really true?
I’m a coward at heart. I cannot really venture out in unknown. I can go to all the places in world without any idea of what’s in store for me. But I cannot take paths in life which have any amount of uncertainty.
I like to pretend I’m such an idealist. But in reality, I can never quit everything and go to the basics. I admire the people who do, yet I sit in a comfortable AC office and write this.
I dream of alternative careers but because I know I might fail in them, I refuse to try them.
In my professional life, I can never go and discuss with my superiors when I feel they are not acknowledging my work. I can’t even ask for a raise. And to think, I can argue with almost anyone on street.
In my personal life, I prefer dating people with whom I know I’ll never end up. And if by some sheer chance, I meet a person, I might end up, I make sure they see a exaggerated mean/whiny/bitchy side of me, so they don’t want to end up with me. It’s not that I don’t want to commit. It’s the fear of unknown.
Now that I’ve figured out the pattern, next step is to remedy this issue.
Let’s see if I can manage something.
How are you today?
March 22nd, 2010 § 4 Comments
Very fine. Thank you.
That’s how I feel most of the time these days. I’m pretty close to Nirvana.. And that’s what scares me. Funny, right?
When I think about my life these days, I really can’t complain about anything.
I’ve an amazing Family that supports me through all my whims and craziness.
I’ve some of the best people in this world as my friends.
My work’s not great but it ain’t bad either. Which is more than most people can say.
I’m almost done with ‘things to do before 30′ list. Now I’m preparing one for 40s, so I can start on it.
I think the reason I feel content is that somehow somewhere (very recently) I realized that I was focusing more on petty things around me than on my priorities. And when I started thinking about my priorities, everything became ok. That’s all it took. Focus on important things and people in life.
So what Bitch at work made another nasty comment. Maybe poor thing is unhappy at home.
So what Someone else is earning more than me. Maybe he needs it more than I do.
So what she’s got a bigger house. Maybe her family needs more space.
I spent a day thinking and realized I’m not ambitious enough. I really don’t want to become a CEO.
I really don’t care about bank balance as long as I can buy things I want. And clearly I can.
All I want to do in life is to travel, read and meet interesting people. which I’m already doing. Yes, I wouldn’t mind longer vacations but then again, who wouldn’t.
So, Moral of the story is ‘Get your priorities right and focus on them. Nothing else matters’
PS: Maybe one day I’ll become a self-help guru and teach world my profound thoughts 
Stories
February 22nd, 2010 § 4 Comments
Everyone have a story to tell.
Everyone wants to share their story. whether you like it or not. whether you think it is worth listening to it or not.
Each story is important. to someone. to anyone.
Some stories are privileged to get out. Some are lucky enough to get followers.
But what about the ones which stay in heart?
the ones who never get out or told or shared?
the ones which wait for a listener and just continue to wait?
Who’ll go and listen to them? Do you have time?
Yes, You do..
January 25th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
Sometimes you do need the words..
Sometimes you do need the silence..
Sometimes you do need goodbyes..
Sometimes you do need beginnings..
Sometimes you do need to hide the anger..
Sometimes you do need to show the love..
And sometimes you just suck it up and let it be.
So even though I didn’t say goodbye to you.. or showed that I care.. Here’s to you and wishing that new beginnings bring more peace and happiness to you..
I give up..
September 17th, 2009 § 6 Comments
I thought I could do it..
I thought it won’t hurt me..
I thought I was better than that..
But turns out I’m not.
Today I was scared..
Today I looked for you..
Today I needed you..
But you were missing.
You are busy consoling someone else
while I dealt with everything alone
Yes, You thought I was stronger
Yes, I thought that too
But both of us were wrong.
So now I sit here
staring at the door
wishing for it to open
wishing for you to walk in
But you didn’t
You changed your priority
It’s not me anymore
So I’m changing mine
It won’t be you anymore
I give up.
I give up on you.
I give up on us.
Just Another Day, and another heart
June 16th, 2009 § 2 Comments
It was just another day in busy market. She looked at the world outside, her nose pressed at the window.
“When would I get to go out and play with other kids?”, she asked to the one they called Grandma.
“You ask me this question every day. You have to wait for your little girl, the one who’ll want you and take you home with her”, replied Grandma.
“We are not fancy enough. No kid wants to play with us anymore. They all want those glittering new models.”, a voice came from behind.
Tears swelled in her eyes. “Is it true, Grandma?”
“No, darling. Every doll gets her home. You just have to be patience” Grandma consoled her, But grandma knew it won’t happen. There were so many around with same dream. Dream of family and love.
“Mommy, I want that doll.” One sentence diverted everyone’s attention to the little girl who was reaching towards something.
“Please god, let it be me.” she prayed, eyes closed. She felt being moved. Her eyes opened up to find herself in little girl’s arms.
“You are so pretty. You can come to my home. I’ll ask Mommy to take you with us”, girl was cooing to her. She had found her home. She looked around with proud smile. Grandma was smiling and so were other dolls.
“No. We are not buying this rag-doll. come on, I’ll get you other one.”, Girl’s mother voice boomed.
“Noooo. I want this one.”, Girl refused to let her go. She was terrified. Is happiness so short-lived? Girl turned to her and said “Don’t worry. I’ll take you home. No other doll will do.”
“Come on, Let’s go. We’ll discuss it at home. Why don’t you think about it some more?”, Mother started walking out.
Little girl looked at her with tearful eyes and whispered, “I love you. I’ll take you home tomorrow. wait for me”
And they were gone. She was still here, still alone.
“She said she’ll come. She loves me.” she consoled herself.
Next morning came, and so did little girl. “Mommy says we need to see if our doll house matches you. I’m sure it does. My mommy always get me what I want”
She was scared.
“Take me home with you now.”, she wanted to scream. “Don’t leave me. I don’t want doll house. Your mother doesn’t like me”. But little girl couldn’t hear her. Little girl was happy that her mother has listened to her. Little girl didn’t realize it was adult way of getting things done without any argument.
Mother picked her up and moved over to doll house shelf.
Little girl exclaimed, “Mommy, she looks perfect”
“Sweetie, Look how uncomfortable she looks. She won’t be happy in our home. Look she doesn’t fit in.”
“But Mommy”
“Darlin’ You promised to listen”
“Yes, Mommy”
Little girl with a longing look walked out, whispering “Atleast Mommy had a look. She gave it a fair chance”
She cried and screamed. But little girl couldn’t hear her. Little girl couldn’t see the tears or hear the words screaming “I Love You”. Little girl just walked out.
And little girl never learned the truth or the lesson “When people say No, they stick to it. They are just good in covering up with rose-tinted glasses.”
Sometimes it’s just hard to..
June 15th, 2009 § 2 Comments
..convert things in your head to words on paper..
It’s been a stressful week.. And I think it’s going to stay like this for a while..
Good thing about this is I’m sleeping late and getting up early.. which means I’m getting loads done..
My appetite is gone.. So now I don’t have to diet. And I think I should be back to my thinner side within a week.
I’m bit disappointed in people. But then again I always expect people to behave morally.
I’m more mad at myself. I believed in words and someone against my better judgment.
I’m ready for a break. I think I need to get away for a while.
So if you don’t see me on facebook, twitter or here for a while.. don’t worry.. I’m just taking a little sabbatical.
I’m scared
May 12th, 2009 § 4 Comments
of disappointments I’ll cause,
of disappointments I’ll see,
of the pain I’ll cause,
of the pain I’ll feel.
I’m scared that you’ll find out the truth
that you’ll figure me out
I’m not so perfect, even though I claim to be
I’m not so nice, there’s lot of evil in me
I’m scared,
of the intensity you have
of the certainty you feel
of the love you crave
Overall I’m just scared that I’ll not be person you’ve been dreaming to meet
you’ll be disappointed to see that I’m just another girl on the street
