Posts filed under 'I feel'
Umm.. Just A minute.. What was that?
Funny thing happened today.. I found myself apologizing for something I didn’t do and had no control either.. And then I realized I’ve been doing it for quite sometime.. And only with my friends..
Well.. What’s been happening is.. If I get something that my friends wanted (nice date, shoes, dress.. ) I find myself trying to play it down, make it sound like it was just circumstantial and had they been in my place, they would have gotten it as well.. Basically just feel guilty.
And today I did that ‘coz I got few more invites than them.. Now why should I do that? I’ve never asked for attention.. I might brag at times (ok, more than few times) about the treatment I get at my regular haunts.. But I know the reason for that.. I took time out to remember their names.. greet them nicely.. and smile with them often.. I just try to be what my parents taught me to be.. Be Nice to everyone regardless of their station..
Why should I apologize for the preferences I get then?
If two of us met a guy and he asks me out rather than you, How is it my fault? It’s not as if I took my shirt in front of him or offered to give him a lap dance… (atleast not when you were standing next to me 
)
I’m sorry but I’m done apologizing for things I didn’t do. If you are jealous or you think I don’t deserve it, it’s your problem not mine. Just because we are friends, you don’t get away with it.
Sigh.. Things were so much simple when all I had was guy friends.. They never got jealous, well mostly 
2 comments March 31, 2009
Is it Age?
Somehow I’m more intolerant of people now.. Their indecisiveness, which never bothered me before, now gets on my nerves.. Maybe the Older you get, expectations from people around you increase..
I should tone it down somehow or I might find myself friendless one day
6 comments March 25, 2009
Some people deserve to be hanged..
I can’t believe how degenerate or morally blank people be? Morally Blank, because even a person with an ounce of moral couldn’t consider this.
Mother and father are equated to Gods in our culture. And for good reason. For they give you life and make you the person you are. To abuse such a relationship, It’s just sad, pathetic and disgusting.
First Dungeon dad, now this. I hope no other daughter or son are suffering like this or suffer ever.
4 comments March 19, 2009
Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon
When Neil Diamond wrote it, Did he had any idea about female psyche or Was he just trying to pretend he understands us??
I would forever stay a girl, but have to be woman at times.. And it seems its finally time to grow up..
‘Resistance is futile’, so said Borg. And, unfortunately for me, my parents and friends are on same page.
It’s part of being Indian. There are set of goals that each of us is supposed to achieve. Some are lucky enough to escape the clutches of tradition but most of us end up surrendering.
When you are a baby, your aim is to be the best baby. The one who cries less, one who walks first, one who learn to speak first. From there on, aims increase gradually.
You have learn rhymes before the next door kid.
You have get admission in a better school.
You have to get better marks.
You have to 90% scorer in 10th Boards.
You have to choose subjects which have future.
Then, you again have to score 90% in 12th Boards. (the more you can achieve, the better it is for parents)
After that, you have to choose a career which has a bright future (If you chose science, then it means engineering or medicine)
So now you have to get a Degree
Once Degree goal is achieved, lets head to Job Market.
Once that is achieved, Opt for Masters (mainly MBA) and again better be a good school
Again, get a good Job.
After this, you goal is to get married.
Of course, Achieving doesn’t stop here. This will lead to Reproduction and carrying on of Family Name. And then same process for your kids..
So our life is all about Achieving. Either our own personal goals or goals set by parents.
And 25-26 is the benchmark age for girls. Luckily, my parents understood my need to learn and live. So for 2 years, I was able to escape the never-ending pressure some of my friends faced or are facing.
However, 28 seems to my parent’s saturation point. Hence the ultimatum, either you do something about it or we’ll.
I know I can still avoid it for another yr. And trust me, I’ll still manage it. But my mom’s sad face. Her trying to explain my stance to relatives. Her trying to argue with others why I’m still right even though she doesn’t agree. My Dad’s plans and then letting go of them for me. I can’t fight it anymore. So this is their achiever’s goal. And somehow I feel I owe it to them.
That’s why it is the solution for now. Rest, it’s going to be a fun ride.. It already is.
2 comments March 19, 2009
I’m getting Inspired…
..By random tweets I see and blogs that I read.. Sometimes they do make sense.. Not like the ones where you think you can fly like superman.. Or that Nobody noticed when you fell off your chair in a bar (*after 1 drink).. The ones which *Actually* make sense..
So here’s my new life plan..
* Stop doing things that I don’t like – This includes work, meeting people, eating bad food, smiling at people I hate
* No Whining – Yeah, So I didn’t get the raise I wanted.. So my parents never took me to Disneyland.. My boyfriend cheated on me.. Whatever.. Just Get over it..
* Take Charge – So no more sitting around and complaining about things not working out.. So If I want something done, I’ll go and get it…
* Get My Priorities right – No more focusing on things which don’t matter in long run includes petty office politics..
* Get My Finances Straight – No more holidays or shopping till all bills and debts are paid off.. Includes family loans
* Be a better Human Being – I don’t care if that’s being idealist, but I think I want to concentrate more on content life than corporate.. So don’t be surprised if down the line, I quit IT to move into social sector.. not yet though.. too many bills to clear
10 comments February 26, 2009
falling out of love is not painless
Why O Why, we fall out of love?
How can I be the one to break your heart?
After all we’ve been through,
It’s over, How do I tell you.
Oh, I loved you Darlin’, I still Do.
I’m so sorry that I hurt you.. 
Add comment January 19, 2009
Another Year Gone…
Older, but still not wiser…
Me thinks this is last celebration.. From now on, I’m forever in 20s… Age Freeze..
Its been an odd day..
Some friends were missed a lot,
Some surprised me with another side..
Some reminded me of old hurts
Some of new joys..
Its been an odd year too..
Some people were missed..
Family is even closer than before..
I understand finances better and my debts
I discovered new authors who continue to be awesome..
I saw more movies than ever..
I made some nice new friends..
I almost fell for someone but it wasn’t meant to be..
I realized old chemistries are just old now..
I think I’m a misfit yet I manage to fit in somehow..
I made some decisions which will pay off in long run I hope..
Everyone I know is either married or getting married..
Married ones are busy having babies or planning for babies..
I realized there are some games I just can’t play.. whether it’s about politics at work or games in love..
Overall.. it was ok year.. Lets see how next ones goes…
4 comments December 17, 2008
Harmony anyone?
10s of Religion.. Lesson Taught, Love
100s of Gods.. Lesson Given, Love..
1000s of years of destruction, war and killing..
And after everything, Lessons learned are either Hate or None…
What’ll stop this madness?? Another world war? More genocide? Countries wiped out?
Or Destruction of whole earth???
Even animals know that they need each other to survive..
Do you ever see a lion killing whole herd for entertainment???
And we, the supreme being, the intelligent ones, God’s chosen ones, can’t manage little bit of peace…
Shame on us…
2 comments November 28, 2008
Just a thought..
What’s worse?
The fact you weren’t around when I needed a shoulder
or the fact I picked up the phone but couldn’t press call button
The fact you couldn’t notice the change in me
or the fact I couldn’t explain it to you
The fact you think we are still good friends
or the fact even though I disagree, I nod my head in agreement
The fact you think you know me
or the fact I know you don’t…
Here’s to friends.. May this never come true for us.. may we always sense each other’s sadness behind laughter.. may we never have to explain anything to each other.. may we always know who we are…
Add comment November 27, 2008
And so ends the story..
“Would you like to have something else, Sir?”
“One more coffee, please”
“Will just take a moment, sir” Waitress said and left to get him yet another cup of coffee. It was either fourth or fifth, he really didn’t remember. Another look at watch told him, it’s been 3 hours since he entered this place. Cozy couple in corner seems to be more cozy now. College Kids sitting on left table have been replaced by 2 women taking a break from shopping. Looks like they have raided every store on this street. Lonely girl have been joined by a friend and is now walking out of the door. The door, bringing him disappointment each time it moves.
Was he wrong to have come here, he wondered.
Seems like yesterday when he used to be one of the regulars here. Sitting in corner, at times with friends, at times with laptop. Still looks same. 5 years since he was here last time.
5 years, since he decided to move to another city.
“I don’t know you well enough to make some serious commitment”, How bravely and naively he had declared it.
Stealing himself against that tearful face, he explained, “Look, long-term is not my thing. Plus how do we know we will last together if we won’t spend any time together. I like you now but what if after few years. You know… What if you meet someone new and fall in love.. what if I do.. It just won’t work out.. Lets end things as friends.”
She agreed. He had logic on his side. So what, he felt she was the one and she did too. It might have been infatuation or plain lust.
One last kiss on his cheek and she left. Without a word.
He kept in touch, of course. Sent occasional mails. Birthday greetings.
She never replied and he missed her. He missed her laughter and how she could always make him laugh. He missed the way she would be on his side, providing silent support. He missed the perfection he had found with her.
It’s not that he wasn’t happy without her. He almost married once. But what he felt in those 3 months, he could never re-create with his girl-friend, even after living together for 4 years.
So he decided to take a chance and flew out here. Sitting in same old coffee shop.
Did she sound unhappy to hear from me or was she uncomfortable?
Another look at watch told him, half hour has passed since he last checked time. Maybe he should consider leaving. One last look at door, he told himself.
And there she was, looking radiant as ever.
“Has she lost weight? She’s wearing Saree. She never wore Saree. Why is she looking back? Does she want to leave already.”
Almost panicking, he rose and waved to her.
She turned and smiled at him. His heart faltered. This was the smile he had missed so much.
“Hi. How are you? I’m so sorry for being this late. We had to go for this thing and we kinda got stuck..”
“We???”
“Hello. Good to see you finally. I’ve heard so much about you. We recently got back from our honeymoon. So fulfilling all social obligations. So, you are coming to dinner with us, right?”
“Honeymoon….!!!”
“I’m so sorry I couldn’t invite you. It was small family affair. We wanted to keep it small”
“Well, she wanted to keep it small. I just wanted to get married as soon as possible”
“Couldn’t invite you…!!! Get married..!!!”
His head was spinning by now. Holding the chair arm, he somehow managed to exchange niceties and made excuses for dinner.
Soon, it was time to say good-bye. Another peck on cheek. This time, with whispered words, “It wouldn’t have worked anyway. We didn’t know each other, remember? “
And with a wistful smile, she turned and walked up to the man who was waiting for her and wanted to know her.
1 comment November 24, 2008
