All I have is a Dream.. » Random

Sometimes you do need the kick in the butt

Another Dreamer — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 23:46:57 +0000

Yes, you do.
And Sometimes you need to let go of things from past, before you can grab new ones.

Few days back, I was miserable. I was lonely. I was stressed. And to top it all, someone I thought of as a friend made me feel bad. I think it was that incident with so-called friend, which was my kick in the butt. I got up, took stock of situation. RSVP’d yes to almost all the invites I had received. And look where it got me.
I’ve been having absolute ball of time from past two weeks. Weekend getaways, Friday nights where drinks result in bit of pub crawl, movie nights, winery tour, more boardgames, more movies. It’s been a fun time. Very little rest, but fun nonetheless. And I have been meeting most wonderful people along the way.
Now here’s the thing, I wouldn’t have accepted some of these people in my life, if not for that kick in the butt. I was lonely and I decided not to be. And how wonderful it is.

Moral of the story is ‘Doesn’t matter if life gives you lemons, you can always use it with tequila’. No, that’s not it. It is ‘Sometimes you need to let go of pre-conceived notions in head, and let other people in’

In my demented view, some people weren’t worth the effort due to age/interests/other factors. And now I’m just glad I did make an effort.

Sharing Happiness

Another Dreamer — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 23:18:04 +0000

Have you noticed how we always share our woes and pain, but rarely the happiness? (Ok, I *do* that). So I thought why not post when I’m relatively happy (Ok, nauseatingly).
I’ve been feeling better since last weekend. Been off the anxiety pills. Yay for me. Clearly Board games were a good influence and yes, that weekend was lot of fun and much-needed.
In the past week, I
- Saw Alain de Botton. So awesome. Another author to fan over.
- Went to 4 different places in one night. Yes, I’m young again.
- Went to Wine and Paella tasting at a winery. If it wasn’t for the heat, it would’ve been a highlight of the month. But free Sangria bottle more or less makes up for it.
- Slept for 12 hours. Beat that.
- Finished reading 5 books and saw so much TV.
- Met some awesome people.
- Also met old friends. And have started a new tradition with 2 friends that we’ll definitely do monthly lunch/coffee if nothing else.
- Not to mention, No hangover after whole night of G&T. I’m never drinking anything else again.

Clearly, my happy mood brings happy situations and happy people in my life. Uni starts from tomorrow. So excited about that. Will start stressing about essays and lab reports from next week.

Not a whine, I promise.

Another Dreamer — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:34:30 +0000

If anyone ever asks me about my most annoying trait – it would be mood swings. From a week of being sad and whiny, I can go to a week of being happy and bubbly. If you ask me about my best trait – it would be same, Mood Swings. After all, How many people find it easier to get so happy from being depressed within matter of days. No, I’ve checked. I’m not bi-polar. Yet.
That said, I did have mild panic attack yesterday. You know the one where you can’t breathe and you have to get out of the building. I’m inclined to blame it on my Low BP problem. But anyways, I was at Alain de Botton talk at Town Hall. Rushed out of the door the moment talk got over, just so I could buy his book and get it signed early. I was in a good spot in the queue and Bam, panic attack. Had to get out of the building. Take few deep breaths. Stand there for 10 minutes, thinking what to do. I decided to be brave and went back in to buy the book and did get it signed. Mighty proud of that, I am.
Yes, I should be worried that it could’ve been serious like last few times (I was shuttled to hospital and put on oxygen). But I’m being positive. I could see the signs. Took action. And managed it all alone. How awesome is that?
This also shows I’m in Happy week zone. I don’t why, but I am. I feel more relaxed and excited about future. Maybe because Uni is starting from next week or that I’m meeting old friends this week or maybe just because..

Play time. Literally.

Another Dreamer — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:53:28 +0000

I have found a new hobby. Yes, I really needed another one. It’s Board games. Oh yes, my childhood obsession with Business and Monopoly has now evolved into spending whole sunday playing Euro games/Cafe games with other adults. And it’s so much fun. I’m meeting new people, some are quite nice.
And I’m off to a weekend away to play uninterrupted with few Board-gamers. I’m still on learning curve. So People have to explain the rules each time I sit down on a table. But I’m getting good at it. And once in a while, I’m winning too. Though I’m worried about the time when I will have learned these and my competitive streak will come out. Ooh. Need to keep that in check. We don’t want to lose any more friends now, do we?
My obsession with arranging all my tiny players in order is already earning me the title of OCD girl. And just for the record, I’m not OCD. I just like things in particular order.
That said, I feel upset that I can’t afford to buy any games as of now. Maybe few months down the line. Not that I need another addition to my compulsion of shopping. Talking of which, I’ve not bought a single book in almost 2 months. How great is that. Also, No shoes or Bags. I feel so proud that I might go buy a little treat for myself.
Anyways, back to the board games. If I’m missing next week, you know where to look for my body. Certain holiday home in Philips Island. And you better take away their board games as punishment, that will teach them to kill me.

Being positive for a change

Another Dreamer — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:00:19 +0000

I lie in this bed, sick again. I look at my life and wonder if I made wrong choice somewhere. So many people tell me that I did, but I can’t get myself to believe them. That must mean I’m doing it right, no?
I know I should be upset about ex, being alone and somewhat friendless, pressures of work and studies, being broke all the time. But I don’t feel upset. Is there something wrong with me? I saw valentine episode of grey’s anatomy and all I feel is sappy happy. I still believe everything happens for a reason and while I have my down days, I cannot be pessimist all the time. Oh sure, I curse life every now and then (ok more than now and then). But I know I’ll find my rainbow at the end. Whether it’s a white picket fenced house or a shack at some beach, it’ll happen in its own time.
I guess it’s hard to accept that people can be content even things seem tough. And it’s not so tough anyway, unless you count unable to buy books at every whim or call your friend at 1 in night because you want to have ice-cream.
So maybe it’s the medication or maybe it’s my grown up genes or just this burning temperature, I don’t feel sad. I might in another 2 days, but not today.

Ps: ‘dream on’ is playing on my laptop right now.. Coincidence?

PPS: I want to call a certain ex and tell him he was wrong, my decision to go for psych wasn’t wrong. So he can fuck off. Being too mean??

Do I miss Twitter??

Another Dreamer — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:13:51 +0000

Hell yeah… I’ve been offline for just 3 days and As my anxiety gets better, I’m feeling the withdrawal symptoms.
Here’s top 5 reasons I miss twitter:
1. People are walking so slow in front of me and hogging whole footpath. Then there are stinky people on Tram. Then the scary drunk lady on tram – And I can’t whinge on Twitter.
2. I had to pay Uni fee. I’m broke as hell and I can’t share my pain.
3. Amazon stopped free shipping to Australia. THIS. PAINS. ME. SO. MUCH. And to think, no outrage outlet.
4. I lost 3 kg. Can’t brag to other people with body issues.
5. I went to central to get money out and forgot debit card at work. Such a #FML moment and STILL. CANT. SHARE.
Most importantly,
WHAT IF MY FRIENDS ON TWITTER FORGET THAT I EVER EXISTED??

Disasterous Me

Another Dreamer — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 10:14:49 +0000

One of those days where I have a lot to say, a lot to talk about, but just cannot get myself to write anything. If it was a paper journal, my waste paper basket would be full.
I’m being a hypocrite. And I continue to be one. My moral compass says I’m being bad. And I continue on that path. Why? I need people to tell me I’m wrong or tell me I’m right.
I want to sit and talk about life over a cuppa coffee. I want to bitch about my flatmate. I want to giggle at stupid things like innuendos. I want midnight coffee runs. I want midnight ice-cream sessions. All in all, I want my friends here.
I never thought it would be this hard being in a new city, but it is. Turns out it’s easier to date than to make friends. And it’s not like my social calendar is empty. I get out plenty. But it’s all so superficial. Each time I get a call from an old friend, I’m reminded of what I’ve left behind. Each conversation leaves me staring at the phone with tears in my eyes.
Some days all I want to do is have someone hold me and tell me everything’s alright. So I hold myself and do so.

People, Blogs, Sex, Complaints

Another Dreamer — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 00:04:31 +0000

This is 5th blog post that I started in past few weeks and haven’t been able to finish.
I was going to write about heart-breaks, sex, dating and blah blah. Each time I began, I had something to say. However, halfway through, I would remember that my brother, my ex, my ex-colleagues know about this blog and might just read it. This, of course, meant that I leave the post unfinished or delete it.
Anonymity that internet offered has been destroyed thanks to my own foolishness of sharing this blog’s link on FB.
Note to Self: If you ever plan to write about sex and dating, start a new blog and do not share the link.

Then whole thing about being a failure. It seems that being lonely or homesick depicts your failure in the chosen path. Which of course is nothing but load of bull-shit. I’m overall a happy person (At least I like to think so), but every now and then I do miss home and feel sad. That doesn’t mean I’m not content with the direction my life is taking. I am. I’m allowed to be Happy and Sad at the same time. I’m allowed to be far from home, love my life and yet miss home. I don’t know if I did the right thing. I will probably not know it for another 10 years. Whatever it is, it makes me Happy.
First time in years, I get excited about work. I don’t dread Mondays anymore. I love going to Uni and listening to Profs. So For now, I’m good. Thank you very much.

What was that?

Another Dreamer — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 01:12:16 +0000

It’s been a weird week.
On last friday, someone asked me out in a bar. Someone just flirted. Someone told me I’m really beautiful. Yup, all in a night. Clearly when I am drink, I become more desirable. (Well, yeah, we already knew that.) My regular coffee place guy told me how good my hair looks. (More flirting??)
I decided I’ve a crush on a cute and plump lecturer who totally ignores me. (Do I detect old pattern here?)
I heard about blasts in Delhi. Luckily my father left high court (where blast happened) just 45 minutes before the blasts. I was shit scared when I couldn’t reach him. Then turns out he had no idea about them and was surprised I knew it before him. Power of Twitter??
Then I sprained my ankle and spent a day at home.
Today, It hailed on me. And its supposedly spring.
Of course, paper is still pending. I did write few hundred words though.

Now how am I supposed to take this week? Good week, bad week, just-plain-weird week?

Procrastination and Me

Another Dreamer — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 03:36:08 +0000

I should really be writing paper for uni. And what do I do? I get back to blogging.
One would have thought that by now I would have learned to prioritize. But No, all I have learned is to get better at procrastination.
And Uni paper is not the only thing I’m busy ignoring. I was supposed to start working out a while ago. And yeah, weight keeps on increasing, but I cannot manage to get myself inside the gym door.
Yesterday was an eye-opener. I finally managed to get myself motivated enough to go running. And I really went running. Sadly, it confirmed the fact that I don’t have any stamina anymore. I couldn’t even run 1km without almost getting a heart-attack. Yup, my first instinct was also to go and drown myself somewhere (Btw.. corresponding phrase in Hindi is so much better)
Anyway, everything said and done, I’ve decided to finish the paper by end of this week and start running everyday. Who knows I might just do 5km in few months. Also, to save my clothes untimely death, I would also now be controlling my dessert/snack intake (i.e. chocolates and macarons). I guess this would be hardest of three.
Wish me luck!